i'm still losing weight

someplace in the archives, i mentioned that i turned into a fat ass after i have had my last two children. i spent from may 2002 to jan 2005 sitting on the couch breastfeeding, so gaining weight is easy to do.

i'm only 5'3", so last december i was clocking the scales at 190 lbs! holy hell, i couldn't believe my eyes! if i had gotten any bigger, i'd have to go to a feed store to use their grain scale.

today, i hopped on the scale and i'm at 155, still pleasantly plump or well fed, however you'd like to put it, (politely), in essence, still a fat ass, but getting smaller.

anyone that tells you that breastfeeding just melts the pounds off of you is full of shit. breastfeeding while doing the dishes is possible, until the baby is over a certain amount of poundage. then you have to sit. i would like to know anyone who actually sat and fed their baby for ten or fifteen minutes at a time, mine were surgically attached to my nipple forever. i was indeed, the human pacifier.

alas, now i have national geographic boobs. i sent shots to them, but they asked me if i had a distended abdomen, and had worms. i said no, and was immediately rejected. although i have seriously considered swallowing a tape worm to speed up my weight loss. it's just picking one out of another animal's shit that stops me. that and who knows, i'd start eating grass out of the yard, and throwing up unexpectedly.

i was never shy about nursing the babies in front of anyone, least of all in my own home. my uncle came over once, and just exclaimed, "holy shit. your breast is bigger than her head. she looks afraid!" a real morale booster.

which, i never gave it much thought until he said that, but yes, my breast was in fact, bigger than the baby's head.

to boot, i do have big boobs, add some lactation into that formula and you have uniboob while breastfeeding. no doubt, a man designed nursing bras, to which i attribute most of my stretch marks. (war wounds.) somebody caught onto this and finally invented a nursing bra with underwires. they should just throw in a free roll of duct tape. what kills me, is a bra in this size, and they have the nerve to put in padding. what the hell for. for a night out? the "nursing push-up bra?" i can see the neon lights flashing now, "tonite--lactating ladies." ewwww.