SEX IN WATER....not as good as it sounds.

I was talking to a good friend of mine, and we were recalling some of our great misadventures together. They are many, and very colorful experiences.
One night, we were out having a couple drinks with my boyfriend at the time, (this was many years ago) and his friend. We live near Lake Erie, and the lake is a pretty popular parking spot for late night after hours skinny dipping. It's a great way to work off the alcohol. We parked at this campground, and decided to sneak onto the beach. (Park is closed after 10 pm.) We jumped a stone wall, scaled a chain link fence, and finally got to the beach. After all that, I look to my right, and we could've just walked around. (My boyfriend, the village idiot--no kidding, that was his nickname--was leading the way.) We swam, had sex on the beach, and woke up everyone in the nearby condominium. After we managed to make a spectacle, we decided to get the hell out of there.

By the way, sex in water is way over rated. It acutally sucks. They glorify it with gratuitious sex scenes in water that you see in movies. Unless you have a jar of vaseline, I don't recommend it. Any water soluable lubricant, (natural or other) won't work because everything gets washed away. Plus, if the water is cold, well....you know what happens to men's crown jewels in cold water. If you would conceive a child in Lake Erie, chances are that there would be some crazy mutation. (i.e. night vision, webbed feet. you get the idea.) They've been dumping shit in it for years. Zebra mussels have cleaned it up pretty much, but the pet alligators mixed with toxic waste are a real bitch. MAKE SURE YOUR DOG IS ON A LEASH AT PRESQUE ISLE.

We were getting ready to leave, and were sitting in the car, making out, when somebody jumped on the windshield. They smashed the hood, the windshield, and the roof of the car, (while we were in it!!!) I remember being pretty drunk, and I turned to my friend, and said, "Hey. I hate to sound like an asshole, but they didn't get my purse, did they?" She laughed her ass off, because at this time, my boyfriend is practically in tears freaking out about his dad's car. Him and his friend went off to chase the people that did this, and we waited. At one point, I felt sick, and there was nowhere to barf in the car, so I threw up in his brother's work hat. We wound up leaving the hat by the pop machine where we were parked. I hope somebody didn't find it and test it for DNA. I could be cloned and not even know it.

My boyfriend drove to the state police barracks and reported the damage while I waited in my drunken stooper in the car. I vomited in the parking lot, and thinking that I was locked IN the car, barfed in my own hair too. Pretty clever huh?