let's play SHIT PURSE

Ok. Here is one of my favorite all times gags.
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING STUNT WAS PERFORMED UNDER CONTROLLED CONDITIONS, AND BY NO MEANS SHOULD IT BE ATTEMPTED BY AN AMATEUR.

My neighbor was telling us of tales long gone by from her childhood. She told us about how she would take her mother's old purses and fill it with dung. (Any kind) and leave it in the middle of the road or sidewalk for a passerby to pick up. Any normal person seeing a bulging purse anywhere is bound to pick it up. It's like gluing a quarter to something in a public place. Each is priceless for entertainment value, but it seems that the purse filled with shit makes me laugh so hard, I cry.

We scoured my mother's closet for old purses. Leather, canvas, anything. We had horses and sheep and chickens, and dogs, the list goes on. Oh yeah, the worst besides chicken, CAT. Ugh. We filled the bag until it was bulging. Set it in the road. And waited. Time ticked by, and since we are such a bunch of hilbillies with nothing else to do on any weekend afternoon, we watched. Not only were we watching, we were taping. Finally, an innocent passerby (another hilbilly) took the bait.
Reel 'em in slow Charlie.
You see them pull over, look to see if anyone saw them, and they open the bag, "HOLY SHIT!!!!!!" And they throw the bag down. We laughed so hard that my cheeks hurt. Since the driver didn't take the purse, we didn't even have to reset the trap. At one point in time, two drivers in opposing directions both pull over to the right to get it. HAHHAHAH. Then, some hucklebuck in his shiny red camaro pulls up. He picked it up and drove away with it. About a quarter mile down the road, you see him chuck it out the window. This provides hours of cheap fun. Believe it or not, even this got boring. So I came up with an idea to put a twist on "Shit Purse".

SHIT PRESENT. I filled a 6" X 6" box up with shit and put in a chicken fetus for good measure. Then carefully cut the seams while simutaneously wrapping it in festive birthday wrap, complete with curling ribbon and a bow. It was so heavy. We set the trap, and in no time we had our first victim. Two girls in a four door crapper. They drive away with the present and my brother runs off to his car with my sister-in-law. (Not the satan-in-law that you've read about in my other stories.) They are taping the whole thing. When you watch the tape, you can tell that the girls are at first sitting close to each other, and then they must open it, and of course it falls apart like it is designed to do. Then they are sitting as far apart from the middle as humanly possible without opening the doors. My brother speeds up to get the expression on their faces and while taping, realizes that it's our neighbor and her friend on their way to work. Whoops.
If you are doing this and taping close to the road, make sure that you are not wearing an easily spotted color. If they do spot you run like hell, because whoever it is is pretty pissed off because not only do they have shit on their hands, but now they know who did it.
I would reccomend doing it on a sidewalk, you are not as easily spotted, and it is much less dangerous for other drivers.
Ah, Country living.