asperger's. It's still what's for lunch.

Well, went to the shrink again today. The funny thing is, I don't think the appointments are for her as much as they are for me. It has just been this barrage of emotions in such a short period of time. Irritated that everyone was trying to diagnose my child (before ever seeing a shrink). I know that Asperger's is many things to many people, hence, the term, "spectrum" disorder. I think that the experts have it all wrong though, to a certain degree. The pages I read, (on the internet, of course, God forbid should I leave the house) are so clinical. They make these kids (and adults) sound like emotional robots. I want to scream at the dummies that keep writing about how "these people" don't have emotion. It's not that there isn't emotion.

It is emotion times 10. What is an insult to one person feels like an emotional meltdown to a person with Asperger's. When you are happy you are elated, when you are sad, you want to crawl into the woodwork. This sensitivity to feeling (emotional and tactile) causes an emotional shutdown. (The glassy gaze). Which, I know leaves the average viewer with the impression that the person is void of any emotion.

This is my personal opinion, and in no way should be followed as professional advice. Although, I am a self professed Know-It-All.

The Asperger's individual is like a dramatized theatre actor who, aware or not has many personalities that he or she can turn on or off in any situation. Pretending is a mastered art. However, the naturalness is never quite attained so the individual really never realizes that his laugh is forced, his sad face is sadder, etc....More like a vaudeville actor than anything in the real world.
And why? Because these expressions of emotions are memorized.

Then to the "normal" person all of these actions seem insincere although the AS person has good intentions. Not only good intentions---remember what I said about emotion magnified. So when failure to convey an emotion results in rejection, the AS person is puzzled. Trial and error. Over and over and over again. Sometimes the AS person gives up, and reclines inside of themself. It is very easy to do since the AS person is very satisfied sometimes, completely by themself.

That is why they love TV so much. Life to the person with AS is TV. Everything is the third person. I even remember events in my life in the third person. I don't remember any event through my own eyes, rather, when I have a memory, I actually see myself in the picture in my head. So, if you are a parent with a child that has Asperger's TURN THE TV ON. Let them watch it. A picture is worth a thousand words, and they can learn more as observers than they can as active participants. It can even be a teaching tool.

That is another reason why it is hard for them to concentrate sometimes at school. Life events are playing over and over and over again in their head. Life to them is a video that can be rewound, fast forwarded or paused at any time. Since they see themselves in the third person, when they watch a movie, they are not only watching it. They are in it. Have you ever heard your child say, "Can we go there?" or "I'm Simba, mommy, who are you?" I'm not saying that these are defining phrases in diagnosis, I am not a doctor. I am just reflecting on ten years of practical parenting to a child with AS, and then upon her diagnosis, realizing that this is me too!!!! (As well as other family members in our dysfunctional family tree.)

I think the clincher was 8 years ago. I had my daughter evaluated, because she was rocking, (among other things) and even before that, as an infant would cry until I put her down. She wanted to breasfeed, but hated being held. It wasn't until she was famished that she would finally sit and nurse, but not without squirming until she passed out from sheer exhaustion.

And here I am obsessing about it, until the wee hours of the night. On top of everything else going on. There is a solution. I just don't know what it is.

The clinical approach has got to be modified. Common sense is the only way to approach this whole diagnosis. I think you have to literally, "Think outside of the bowl".

So, to lighten things up, here is a top ten list, since I love making freaking lists so much, but now I know why:

THE TOP TEN LIST
"WHY ASPERGER'S IS A COOL SYNDROME TO HAVE"
10. You can talk to yourself and you don't care what people think.
9.When you say you don't care, you really mean, you don't care.
8. Animals make better friends anyway, they listen better and can't talk about it to anyone.
7. You get good at manipulating people, which can be an asset at your job. If you can keep one.
6. Since you manage to piss most of your relatives off, you save a ton around the holidays.
5. Balancing your checkbook is a breeze, and gives you a feeling of accomplishment without the commitment.
4. You can walk away from anything and not feel bad.
3. You can pretend you feel bad, and convince others that you feel bad, and make them feel bad too.
2. You are your own best friend so you can't disappoint yourself.
1. You can stop wondering. Yes, Everyone else around you is screwed up. It's not you and couldn't possibly be, because you're always right!

oh, what the hell, one more,

since you always feel alone anyway, yes, you can pick your nose in the car because nobody can see you. if by chance your window is down, you can pretend you didn't see them, looking at you while you pick your nose. your car is invisible. like wonder woman's jet.