BE NICE TO YOUR WAITRESS

This one time at band camp....

I was at work is the truckstop hell hole, (the vortex where all truckers feel at home) and was working at the counters. Apparently royalty had entered and nobody notified me in a timely manner. This guy, a regular guy, stout like a Hobbit with a pair of pants and a sweater tucked into them, sits in my section. He asked for fries to start, (where the heck does he think he is) and I told him the only fries we had were old fries, and the cook would make more. He got mad. I dare to say irate, "Dammit, I want fries and I want them now!!!!!!!!" I was a little embarassed, so I smiled my cheshire cat smile, remembering the Golden Rule of customer service, THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT. I told him that I would find him french fries immediately!!!

The cook, on probation for assault and battery, heard all of this. "ya want me to go out there?" he said.

"Naa. I just need some french fries," said I.

I looked around the fryer, and the only french fries that were there were on the floor. I scooped them all up and put them in a fry basket and microwaved them so they were steaming hot. They looked freshly made.

"You are so wrong." Said the convict cook. The sick thing is I know it only made the crush he had on me stronger.

I jaunted out to the satan-like customer, and proudly delivered his long awaited fries.

"Sir," I said, "I apologize for the wait, these are on the house, enjoy your fries."

Everyone in the kitchen catches wind of what has happened, and watch him in anticipation of the first bite. He ate one, and half, and finally the whole thing. The entire basket without blinking or chewing.

Now, part of the satisfaction in this whole story would be telling this guy after he ate them where the fries came from. I couldn't do that though. So instead, I told everyone sitting in my section instead. They all had overheard this guy raving in the first place, so they too, enjoyed the awful trick that I played on him.

My tips that day were double for the day, thanks to a jerk-off who had to be fed so he could maintain his Gnome-ish figure. Now if you've ever been a dickhead like this in a restaurant, I guarentee you got some extra protein in your meal, or something of the like. I don't reccomend acting like that, you know who you are.

And, if I waited on you, and you were a four star **** asshole to me for no reason, you can almost count on the fact that I did something bad to your food. Don't worry too much though, it never included body fluids, or the body fluids of the paroled cook.

Lesson learned here: Be nice to everyone, and they will be nice back.