BE NICE TO YOUR WAITRESS

This one time at band camp....

I was at work is the truckstop hell hole, (the vortex where all truckers feel at home) and was working at the counters. Apparently royalty had entered and nobody notified me in a timely manner. This guy, a regular guy, stout like a Hobbit with a pair of pants and a sweater tucked into them, sits in my section. He asked for fries to start, (where the heck does he think he is) and I told him the only fries we had were old fries, and the cook would make more. He got mad. I dare to say irate, "Dammit, I want fries and I want them now!!!!!!!!" I was a little embarassed, so I smiled my cheshire cat smile, remembering the Golden Rule of customer service, THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT. I told him that I would find him french fries immediately!!!

The cook, on probation for assault and battery, heard all of this. "ya want me to go out there?" he said.

"Naa. I just need some french fries," said I.

I looked around the fryer, and the only french fries that were there were on the floor. I scooped them all up and put them in a fry basket and microwaved them so they were steaming hot. They looked freshly made.

"You are so wrong." Said the convict cook. The sick thing is I know it only made the crush he had on me stronger.

I jaunted out to the satan-like customer, and proudly delivered his long awaited fries.

"Sir," I said, "I apologize for the wait, these are on the house, enjoy your fries."

Everyone in the kitchen catches wind of what has happened, and watch him in anticipation of the first bite. He ate one, and half, and finally the whole thing. The entire basket without blinking or chewing.

Now, part of the satisfaction in this whole story would be telling this guy after he ate them where the fries came from. I couldn't do that though. So instead, I told everyone sitting in my section instead. They all had overheard this guy raving in the first place, so they too, enjoyed the awful trick that I played on him.

My tips that day were double for the day, thanks to a jerk-off who had to be fed so he could maintain his Gnome-ish figure. Now if you've ever been a dickhead like this in a restaurant, I guarentee you got some extra protein in your meal, or something of the like. I don't reccomend acting like that, you know who you are.

And, if I waited on you, and you were a four star **** asshole to me for no reason, you can almost count on the fact that I did something bad to your food. Don't worry too much though, it never included body fluids, or the body fluids of the paroled cook.

Lesson learned here: Be nice to everyone, and they will be nice back.

2005 IS HERE

aHHH. tHANK goodness. I was so sick of 2004. It was a crappy year financially for us, and already there is a bright side. My husband has a new and improved job, and in case you've read my previous posts, I love him again. The Christmas break gave us the well deserved moments of time to spend together and reconnect, so to speak. With four children and work, we are both really stretched to our limits sometimes. Of course, when money gets tight and we don't have real time for each other, I get irritable. (an understatement).
It is snowing outside, but the weather here in Erie, PA is really... oh what's the word, schizophrenic. Today it's snowing and the forecast said later in the week, it's going to be a high of 60. No wonder the flu bug flourishes in this area. Over vacation half of the family caught some virus that they are terming the "Norway Flu"? I'm not sure but I think it's that bug that was on the Disney vacation cruises. It's a horrible bug, and to put it delicately, you don't know what end to put on the toilet. I hope we don't catch it again before winter is over. Poop can be washed away, but the vomit smell just lingers. When I use pine sol, I half expect some kind of chemical reaction. Yuk.
Well, time for a truckstop tale.

One day, a truck driver sat in my section with his ten-ish daughter. The little daughter had forgotten her crayons in her father's truck.

"Daddy, I'm just going to go out to the truck to get my crayons." She said.

"Darlin', you can't go out there to get your crayons, all kinds a people in that parkin' lot. If somethin' happin'd to yuh, Daddy'd havta go ta jail." Said the truckdriver in a very matter of fact tone.

"Well daddy, y'already been there two times before," Said the little girl.

"Now ya didn't havta go an tell the lady that didja?" Said the trucker glancing in his peripheral at me.

Now what the hell are you supposed to say to that. I gave the little girl a pack of crayons and brought their drinks.