A little bit of everything. (With a twisted sense of humor.) You name it, I take requests.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

YAHOO IS A SCAPEGOAT

i was reading this article just now, and i think it's pretty ridiculous.
Groups Laud Yahoo for Closing Chat Rooms

Ok. let me try and explain why i think the bible beating dumb fuck advocacy groups are fucking themselves.

Child porn is DISGUSTING. anybody that would do anything to a child should be impaled, a la "shaka zulu". but do advocates really realize what they are doing?

they are blaming yahoo, because users create their own websites using yahoo, posting child porn. i want to point something out.

REAL pedophiles don't take child porn pictures FOR yahoo. they take them for their own sick pleasure. now, IF YOU ARE A DUMB ASS, DO NOT MIS-READ THE NEXT STATEMENT. IF YOU ARE DUMB, JUST CLICK OUT NOW.

at least the fbi or whoever could actually trace the picture posted to who actually committed the crime. can you trace the owner of a picture involving child porn if it is a polaroid sitting in somebody's top underwear drawer? no, at least there was an electronic trail when the sikko posted it on the internet.

activists are dreaming if they think that yahoo is acutally encouraging the posting of child pornography. they should be thankful that there is acutally a way to catch scumbags like this, rather than a bunch of guys exchanging or selling pictures in person. there isn't a way for a transaction like that to be recorded--on the internet, there is.

what the hell, advocates should just sue bill gates too, afterall, he invented the internet that created the avenue for which all communication via the internet is facilitated. oh, wait, or was that al gore?........

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

BOTTLED WATER IS BEST

one of my first jobs was working at a mall. i was the clothes putter-awayer. it sucked, but with my wit and charm, i slowly moved my way through the ranks. climbing the corporate ladder to cashier wasn't easy, and i didn't have to sleep my way to almost the top.

my boss was a complete psycho. years later, i have come to the conclusion that her official diagnosis would be "crazier than a shithouse rat."

i very distinctly remember her raving and obsessing about "evian" bottled water. at the time, bottled water was just getting popular. you'd think that she just found the titanic or something. she carried a bottle with her always, and told us lesser employees that we should drink it too. shit, it wasn't water, it was contagious advertising. she made the big mistake of leaving an open bottle in our little dorm size fridge when she went on her break. (probably to buy more evian.)

this girl, jessica, and i decided to pull a switcheroo. when we opened the fridge, we had the exact thought at the exact same time.

it was like a folger's commercial gone awry. "we've secretly replaced robin's evian bottled water with water from the porcelain commode. let's see if she can tell the difference."

yes, we did it. thanks to the chilled temperatures of toilet water, we dumped her water down the drain, and filled the bottle with toilet water. of course, i was elected to put my hand in the pot. watching it fill up as the bubbles from the air pockets in the bottle gurgled to the top was so extremely satisifying. of course, we did this so fast, dried off the bottle, and put it back in the fridge. she returned from her break. it was always so perplexing.

this tofu eating, bottled water guzzling, self professed kama sutra expert used to go to this pretzel place, and get creamed cheese pretzels.

of course, she had her bottle in hand, guzzling it down. we watched. i tried so hard, but i started laughing before she even put it to her lips. she drank. the lip-smacking that followed just brought me to tears. "Ahh. This is so good. Do you want some? What's so funny?"

i had to repeatedly reassure her that jessica and i were previously sharing an inside joke. after a lot of convincing, she turned into the maniacal bitch that we all knew, and she ordered us back to work. it made me not feel so bad about replacing her magical "evian" with toilet water after all.